Sunday, August 23, 2009

A cute apron and pondering Facebook

-- Post From My iPhone

I made this up yesterday for a friend who was having a housewarming party. I ended up not going because I was tired and had another event to go to that evening. Cute, yes? Hope she likes it. I overheard her saying she liked brown, not sure about the pink though. I used this pattern and all I did was shorten it by 2 inches.

Facebook has been a very fun social network, connecting me to people I had not known about in 20+ years. It's interesting to see how people turned out. There's a boy I dated briefly when I was 16 that I had pegged as a total playa. He seemed to be a road to nowhere but he seems to be quite a nice, balanced man. His Facebook friends all seem to have very high regard for him. He's a probation officer. A junior high friend was sorta a nerdy, skater boy (oxymoron?). And now he's all into guns and cars. He has a government job.

So, what I'm pondering is this: Do I remain Facebook friends with my ex? We don't chit chat anymore. All contact is as needed only. We always prided ourselves in the fact that we never argued. But I've had so many verbally aggressive fights with him in my head over the years that I'm surprised I'm sane. What we shouldn't be so proud of is the fact that we didn't communicate period.

Our Facebook friendship is something I've wondered about in the past couple of months. He posts pictures of him with the chick and for some reason, it irritates the hell out of me and that irritation in itself pisses me off. Why does it even matter?? Why do I even care?? And he comments on her pictures and it's obvious he's head over heels. He's met her family and hangs out with her nieces and all that gets my goat. WHY? And why do I torture myself by looking? And again, why do i care? I think my curiosity gets the better of me. I've sorta pieced together that relationship. He told me they'd met in January. But the pictures he posted today were from January first. I don't know when, how or where he met her. But she starts showing up on the phone bill in October, when we were pondering our future together but before we had decided to call it quits. That was a shock when I discovered that. So much so that I got a call from a good friend just as I was looking over the bill why my jaw on the floor and could I not even answer verbally. Some guttural sounded came out of my throat and friend went into panic and I still couldn't talk. I just started crying. Ugh! You think you know someone. But I digress.

I hadn't dropped him because I'm a curious girl and wanted to know his business. But I think I'm done. My irritation with his posts is just too much. He just irritates me I guess. Do I tell him I'm unfriending him or just unfriend him? I suppose that means I unfriend his friends too. They're all on a list together where they can't see my business anyway.

Breaking up is hard to do. In 8 more days I can ask for a judgement on the divorce if he doesn't file a response.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A Month of Freedom

I feel like I've been gone from here for a while. So much is going on in my life right now. I have not been all that crafty and don't really feel like it. My girls are still with my sister for 3 more weeks. This month really feels like I am on vacation. I have been going out a lot, enjoying drinks (responsibly) and dinner with my girlfriends, hanging pool side with no worries of children drowning or slipping and cracking their heads open. I enjoy my drive home, unrushed. I love walking into my home, knowing exactly what will be waiting for me. I even went dancing recently. I'm having a really good time. I started a boot camp at 6am, 3 days a week and am seeing results. I've lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks so far. It motivates me to keep going.

I finally filed for divorce and am counting down to the 31st day so I can go fill out more forms and get a judgement. I finally realized, or admitted, that I am really angry, bitter and resentful towards my ex and that I can not keep pretending to be his friend. I seriously thought and bragged, that he and I would be like Bruce & Demi. So I told him that I would remain civil but I could not be his friend. Both of those things were liberating. I feel lighter. Not only that, this past weekend I took out everything of his that still remained in my house. It's all boxed and bagged in the little room under the stairs. Outside.

I think I still held on to the hope that he would step up. But I've resolved and accepted that I can't count on him. I don't know why I had that little hope, if counting on him wasn't even possible when we were together. I am coming to accept that I am the only one that I can rely on, and starting to plan my life accordingly. I am thankful for my sister and her availability and willingness to keep my kids. I really needed this respite. I think I love my kids more now that I can let go of all the negative feelings I had. Any book suggestions on freeing one's soul would be appreciated.

I go to work and enjoy it. The new job coincided with my separation. It's been good for me. I like being involved directly with families again and I love the people in my unit. They are a fun, funny and loving bunch. I also started telecommuting on Tuesdays. No coincidence that I'm blogging today. I have the rest of the month planned out: a trip to New Mexico, housewarming parties, birthday parties, dancing, and going to try and see a comedy show at the beginning of September. Hope whomever is reading is also enjoying their summer. Oh, I never did figure out the boob issue with the swim top. Boning did not make one lick of difference. I did find out that I need to make it a teeny bit smaller or use less elastic at the top edge of the top and the bottom. Ask me how I know. LOL