A Month of Freedom

I feel like I've been gone from here for a while. So much is going on in my life right now. I have not been all that crafty and don't really feel like it. My girls are still with my sister for 3 more weeks. This month really feels like I am on vacation. I have been going out a lot, enjoying drinks (responsibly) and dinner with my girlfriends, hanging pool side with no worries of children drowning or slipping and cracking their heads open. I enjoy my drive home, unrushed. I love walking into my home, knowing exactly what will be waiting for me. I even went dancing recently. I'm having a really good time. I started a boot camp at 6am, 3 days a week and am seeing results. I've lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks so far. It motivates me to keep going.

I finally filed for divorce and am counting down to the 31st day so I can go fill out more forms and get a judgement. I finally realized, or admitted, that I am really angry, bitter and resentful towards my ex and that I can not keep pretending to be his friend. I seriously thought and bragged, that he and I would be like Bruce & Demi. So I told him that I would remain civil but I could not be his friend. Both of those things were liberating. I feel lighter. Not only that, this past weekend I took out everything of his that still remained in my house. It's all boxed and bagged in the little room under the stairs. Outside.

I think I still held on to the hope that he would step up. But I've resolved and accepted that I can't count on him. I don't know why I had that little hope, if counting on him wasn't even possible when we were together. I am coming to accept that I am the only one that I can rely on, and starting to plan my life accordingly. I am thankful for my sister and her availability and willingness to keep my kids. I really needed this respite. I think I love my kids more now that I can let go of all the negative feelings I had. Any book suggestions on freeing one's soul would be appreciated.

I go to work and enjoy it. The new job coincided with my separation. It's been good for me. I like being involved directly with families again and I love the people in my unit. They are a fun, funny and loving bunch. I also started telecommuting on Tuesdays. No coincidence that I'm blogging today. I have the rest of the month planned out: a trip to New Mexico, housewarming parties, birthday parties, dancing, and going to try and see a comedy show at the beginning of September. Hope whomever is reading is also enjoying their summer. Oh, I never did figure out the boob issue with the swim top. Boning did not make one lick of difference. I did find out that I need to make it a teeny bit smaller or use less elastic at the top edge of the top and the bottom. Ask me how I know. LOL